living life purposefully.....

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me are some of the most untruthful words ever to be spoken.. Words cause heartache. Words cause negative emotions. Words definitely cause hurt.

2018 was a year full of words that produced strong emotional impacts on my life.

Cancer...Hospice...Good bye...Liar...Spiteful...Reunification-- all of these words changed my daily existence and changed my heart.

Because words can have both positive and negative influences on a person's attitude, emotional health, and overall outlook on life, I have chosen to select a word for 2019 to focus on and incorporate into my daily life.

With all the life changing, emotionally draining events of 2018, I feel like I have been merely existing--life has not been lived, but endured with no purpose. All aspects of life, with the exception of career, have been floundering under depression and hurt. As trials and issues have occurred, they occurred with little to no battle; apathy has been in control. In order to gain more control in my responses to what happens around me and to me, I have chosen to be more organized in my plans, more actively involved in the direction my life will take me, and more in INTENTIONAL in my actions.

Intentional means you are purposeful in word and action. It means you live a life that is meaningful and fulfilling to you. It means you make thoughtful choices in your life.

Being intentional means you actively interact and engage with your life in....

Time:
How much time is wasted on social media? How much time is spent 'awfulizing' rather than actualizing a positive outcome? Is laziness rather than productiveness the norm? What is consuming the time in each day? What more purposeful things can I fill my time with?
In their hearts humans plan their course, buy the Lord establishes their steps. (Prov 16:9)

Speech:
Angry responses. Ugly, hurtful words spoken quickly and without thought. Unfriendly conversations. Gossip.
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Thoughts:
Are impure thoughts being allowed? Are activities I am participating in promoting inappropriate thoughts? Am I overthinking, 'in my head' rather than giving the worries and thoughts to God?
Whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there are any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.(Phil 4:18)

Finances:
Is what is being purchased necessary? Is the Christian responsibility to God being fulfilled? Are funds being used the most frugal and responsible way possible?
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.' ( Heb 13:5)

Health:
What foods are being prepared/purchased? Is physical activity part of daily life? Is the need for sleep ignored? Is the mind engaged? Are ailments/symptoms being taken care of?
...Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil. Then you’ll gain renewed health and vitality. (Prov 3:7-8)

and just like that...2018 is history

As I lay here in my bed trying to write something for the first time in a long time, the clock ticks closer to midnight and the end of 2018. And I can truthfully say, I will not be sad to see this year of trials and heartbreak end.

* I said good bye to one of the dearest people in my life as she lost her battle to cancer.

* I watched Steve grieve the loss of his mother.

* I prayed for a friend's 18 year old daughter as she began her battle of lymphoma.

* I 'prepared' my heart multiple times to say good bye to our special blessings.

And I am emotionally exhausted and struggling to see the good that is around me.

    So...

    Good bye 2018...
        good bye sadness...
        good bye depression...
        good bye negative thoughts!

     And...
     Welcome 2019...
            welcome leaning on God for strength...
            welcome spiritual growth...
            welcome living joyfully...
            welcome CHANGE!

from bathroom to mudroom, from bottom to top

In order to be able to access the new mudroom, an exterior door had to be added, the window was moved and replaced so it was centered, a closet was framed in where the stand up shower used to be...

The original heart pine flooring (that had been pulled up from the area of the new bathroom) was hung on the ceiling...and a new light wired and hung...

This is area where the current Master bath was built. The flooring was pulled up so that plumbing could be run and tile laid. We used this flooring for the mudroom ceiling.

This is the night we found out that SUBFLOORNG was not part of the building process in the 1930s!! There is nothing quite like being able to look under your house...and for all that is under your house to have easy access in:(

Tile was laid--of course in a more complicated chevron pattern because Steve would be shocked if I wanted anything simple :D

Now we're getting somewhere

It has been a long 3 years since we signed the mortgage papers and became the owners of a 83 year old farmhouse. The range of emotions has been endless, and there have been times I was not sure our marriage was going to survive the ordeal. But thankfully we are nearing the end of the major projects, and Steve is still married...and alive!

When the house was built in 1931, there was no inside bathroom. As was done so often, when a bathroom was added, it was added to an area off the kitchen. And while I understand the plumbing reasoning, having my bathroom attached to my kitchen was not going to work. I agreed to buy the house, but with the stipulation that the bathroom would be relocated as soon as we moved in!!  Thus began the never~ending house renovation.

The bathroom was one of the worst bathrooms EVER!
It measured 6ft x 7.5ft and was crammed full of a bathtub, sink, toilet, and stand up shower.

 

* The space between the sink and bathtub was barely 12 inches

* The stand up shower was not big enough to move in--couldn't even raise your arm all the way up to shave your pits:)

* The bathtub tile had mold behind it--and  

oozing out ( I know you are coveting the beauty we had!!!)

* The floor was textured linoleum that was horrible to keep clean

* It was U.G.L.Y personified!!!!

So..what do you do with a bathroom off the kitchen? You make it into a mudroom of course!

STEP 1: --after the first 50 steps to get it ready--

We took the original wood siding that had been pulled off the exterior, and hung it on one of the interior walls. We even used the piece of siding with the original meter number.

Spring is on it's way....

First Day of School--2012-2013

run forrest run...

We just watched Forrest Gump, so they actually know the reference now :)

Here is Emma Shea!

She is giving us a run for our money...
Don't let the cheesy smile fool you... there is an inner Ethel that comes and visits. She isn't welcome here, but she makes herself at home often.

...but that is another post.

Speaking of running....

Last Tuesday, Emma had to run the mile for State PE credit.

So... Mac made a huge sacrifice (ha) and allowed me to sign her out of school for an hour and came to run with her little sister :)

The weather was perfect...

and they finished the mile in 11:16!

Go girls!!!

And Alan....You said I couldn't put your picture on FB...you never said anything about the blog:)

$4000 $1,000,000,000 dollar smile

The day has finally come... 23 months after the transformation began....
the braces have come off...

and someone could not be happier!!!

clawing my way out...

**SIGH**

It has been awhile since I have sat in front of this screen.

A very long while.

But it is difficult to sit and see the words LIVING GRACIOUSLY staring at you from your blog page when for the past year or so you have been living any way but.

It has been a rough season in my life. And I have not handled the trials graciously. I have allowed anger and hurt to consume my heart. I have been suffocating under the weight of the animosity I have allowed to build. I have allowed my outlook to become tainted by the disappointment in those that should have been a source of strength failing to acknowledge my need for comfort. I have viewed life with ugliness and my mistrust of those around me has grown immense. I have pushed all those around me farther and farther away. And I feel alone.

My spiritual life has suffered. My anger has been so great that it has blocked my ability to see that God has never left my side. I have warmed the pew each Lord's day; checking the box to say my worship has been done. But I have not been edified; and I certainly have not edified others by my hardened heart. My worship has been unacceptable to my God.

But I have not been able to crawl out of the pit of despair I jumped into.

And then I read a blog post by Angie Smith about Galatians 6:2 which says, Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. And the words pricked my heart. Granted, I have read that passage many times. I KNOW that I am supposed to give my trials to God and that I am to allow others to help me bear the burdens I am confronted with. But it is not something I do easily. Because I do not feel most people are sincere in their concern and I do not trust most to keep my concerns and struggles private, very few are allowed to know what it is in my heart. But as I read the post, I HEARD those words that day. And I thought on them.

And then I acted upon them.

It was not planned. I really did not have time to think about the words that were coming from my heart. It was a chance meeting one Sunday evening. The words were sparked by a simple question, "Are you thinking of changing congregations?" And I answered, "Possibly." And then I said the words I never thought I would say out loud., "I am not doing well. I am filled with hurt and animosity and I am having difficult time finding my way out."And she said she had been in that dark place also. And she comforted me with her words of understanding. And my heart was pricked. God continued to show himself when another woman came up to me 3 days later and asked a simple question and I said the words again. And she cried with me. And I felt comforted. The load I have been carrying for so long had been lifted just a tiny bit...just by saying a few words to another.

And while I am still in the pit, the clawing to the top has begun.

it's not much, but it's a start....

Dance has ended for the year for Michaela
(except for the summer workshop she will be attending :)
She had a great year at the new studio..and she LOVES Pointe!
She is looking forward to next year's classes!

Dance has ended for Emma forever!

Emma decided halfway through the year that she no longer wants to take dance. Which is fine. It is her decision. Her sister does not understand the decision, but 'different strokes'. We all have to find our own niche in life.
She finished out the year and did a great job at recital.
But she has moved on.....

To horses of course!
Today was her first riding lesson!
She learned three 'seating' techniques
She trotted...She even did some tricks:)
I think that face says it all!!!!

i have not fallen off the face of the planet...

but when you spend between 50 and 60 hours a week toggling between computer screens at a job you DESPISE, the last thing you want to do when you get home is look at a computer screen.

I think I understand why the mechanic's cars are never fixed and the carpenter's personal projects are never get done!

So just know that I am back.

And that I would like your prayers---please pray that the job I have applied for works out!

catch a falling....

snowflake!

or maybe just sticking her tongue out at me!!!

how many more years of this???...

This is what Math homework looks like in our house!

family tradition....

Today was the day I planned to head out with Steve and the girls to look for the perfect Christmas tree. The weather had other ideas for the day...a nice covering of fluffy wet snow! But we were not daunted. Freezing temperatures and a little snow were not going to mess with our family tradition.

So we bundled up~~~some of us matching better than others~~~ and headed out to Sleepy Hollow Tree Farm.
There were snowball fights....fatherly ambushes...
and lots of laughter!
After the snowballs stopped flying, the tree hunting began!

Emma found her 'perfect' tree...
but we decided to leave it and let it grow a little bit more before we took it home...

and we chose this one instead!
and as tradition has it, Steve grabbed a handsaw and began cutting into the tree trunk. After a few minutes, the tree was still standing and Steve was worn out. So, rather than spend the next 30 minutes trying to saw through the trunk, he wimped out and called Troy over~~within seconds the chainsaw cut through the trunk and the tree came down.

Soon, the snow will be melted and the branches dry, and we can transform this huge evergreen into our family Christmas tree.

on the eve of thanksgiving eve ....

Today was a extremely long day for me. I woke up at 4:30am and left the house at 5:10. I made it to work with a few minutes to spare. 12 hours later I walked out of the Humana building, exhausted and worn out! The 4 block walk to the parking lot was endless and the drive home felt like it would never end. Walking through the front door, sitting in the big comfy couch, and talking to the girls (and Steve) was all I wanted to do.

But my family had other plans for me!!! As I opened the door, I was welcomed by the smells of dinner cooking. Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole had all been prepared by Steve and the girls this afternoon. What a great 'Welcome Home.'

Now Steve is on his way to work, Mac is cleaning the kitchen, Emma is taking a shower, and I am sitting with my feet propped up...counting my blessings!

we just replaced an ugly brass and glass fixture,
the new one definitely needs to be raised

I am so thankful for my family!

moving...

I cannot believe I forgot to post about Emma's award from school! I always remember to write about the embarrassing things, and yet forgot to take the time to brag on my little girl when I had the chance! Bad, bad Mommy!

Each month at Locust Grove, children are honored during announcements and presented a certificate at an assembly for accomplishments in various categories. Two weeks ago Emma Shea was honored for her poem about moving. She was declared the 'winner' for the 2nd grade writing category. YAY EMMA!!!!

**Below is the poem she wrote completely by herself. Ms. V told me that Emma would pull it out every day for several weeks and add to it; trying to incorporate the literary devices they had worked on in class. She began the assignment the week after we moved away from Northern Kentucky. For weeks, she begged and begged to move back to our old house. This poem reflects the heart break she was feeling being separated from 'what she knew' and the acceptance of her new situation.

MOVING

Shattering in my tears
When we went to the new house.

The new house was cold and dark
Like the woods
Thinking on the floor
that we could never be sadder.

Why did we have to go
My backyard is big
I'm missing my old school
I'm missing my friends.

Liking my new house now
Liking my new school now
Liking my new backyard now
Liking my new room now.

friday frivolity....

Having not worked a full~time job in over 7 years..

I had forgotten how important week~ends were.

It didn't take long to remember the relief...

that a clock striking 4:30 on a Friday can bring.

And the dread surrounding setting the alarm on Sunday night!

Retirement...Sweet Retirement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well from what they keep saying at H....., this is my last week end of freedom.

Annual enrollment for Medicare started on the 15th...

and therefore, mandatory overtime has begun....

and over the next 2 months, I will be seeing more of my co-workers than my family!

I have already said my good byes and asked them to please not forget me...

or replace me with a better model.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week I asked Steve if he wanted to hire someone to paint Mac's room...

of course, since he loves painting so much, it took him a half of a millisecond to say yes!

Steve, the painter, came and primed the lovely paneling tonight...

and he has just left.

he will be back tomorrow to paint the Teal Zeal onto the walls...

but Steve doesn't know what time!

Um...it is my last Saturday of not working for weeks...

I do not want to see the morning hours.

I sure hope that doorbell doesn't ring at 8:00.

Because I would hate to have to wake up...

errr....well roll over...

to nudge Steve out of bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not too much has happened this week...

work for Steve and I...

school for the girls.

Next week looks like more of the same.

with a trip to Alabama to break up the monotony...

and of course the IRON BOWL on Friday!

I wonder if we will cheer for the Tide with 5/6th of the Hunters

or with the blue and orange with the rebellious 1/6th of the family:)

Shhh...we will be cheering for the Crimson Tide ...

because we need a place to stay while we are there!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am off to bed...

sleep has been calling me for a while...

and I think I am going to answer him now!

Sweet Dreams!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

girls stripping...

wallpaper... girls stripping WALLPAPER!

you didn't think I would actually have a post about strippers did you???!!!

The house we are 'trying out' to see if we want to buy in the future was built in the late 80s. It is a good house, but it is really stuck in a time warp. There are things that MUST be changed if I am going to live here~~~even if we decide not to buy it.

Exposure to U.G.L.Y. has to be limited.

Exhibit #1:

This hideous mauve and green wallpaper covers the walls of the master bathroom...and even the walk-in closet! A decorator's failure I do believe.

What made the concept even more of an eyesore ... the mauve blinds in the bathroom bay window and the matching curtains left in the master bedroom.

PURRRRRTTTTTTYYYYY!!!!

Thankfully, these beautiful girls spent their Sunday afternoon stripping the U.G.L.Y off of the walls.

And they had a great time...

except for the 'smelling like vinegar' part!!

I am just tickled pink mauve that my bathroom has taken a step closer to this century!!