Tuesday, May 26, 2009

when is the line crossed?...

Recently Michaela and I butted heads.

this is no surprise~~she is just like me!!

She decided she did not want to participate in an activity but could not give me a reason.

All I got from her was, " I don't know. I just don't want to."

This was not acceptable to me.

I knew the reason~~she was intimidated and afraid of failure.

She would not say it.

We had words. We had tears. We took a break.

It was during this break that Steve told me I was pushing too hard.

And he was right to some extent.

But I know what it is like to lack self confidence and to avoid situations where I may fail or I am not in control.

And I do not want Michaela to go through her life missing out because of a fear of failure.

So I push...

too hard sometimes? Definitely!

But always out of love.

Upon her return, I told her I didn't 't care if she chose not to participate, but that I needed an acceptable reason.

"I don't know." was not acceptable.

After some more conversation, she finally admitted her fears and said she would try~out.

We hugged.

She thanked me.

This was a horrifically~fantastic parenting moment.

One that allowed me to grow as a parent.

Parenting is hard.

Have you heard me say that a time or two, or twenty, before?

It is a balancing act~~with perpetual adjustments needed..

We are constantly trying to find the perfect balance.

~~we strive to give without teaching selfishness and greed by giving too much...

~~we seek to discipline without bringing our children to wrath...

~~we aim to create boundaries while still allowing for choices...

~~we make every attempt to nurture independence without providing too much freedom...

~~we endeavor to give encouragement without pushing too hard.

We are continually trying NOT to cross the line between being a loving, supportive parent and being an overbearing, dominating one.

And sometimes we fail.

Sometimes the line is crossed...

Sometimes the line has to be moved...

But, we learn from our mistakes...

and we learn from our successes.

We regain our balance...

and we start again!

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard