Monday, August 17, 2009

no more than we can bear...

I remember a lab experiment on surface tension I had to perform in high school. We were given a penny, water, and an eyedropper and told to record how many drops of water we could 'put' on the surface of the penny. We made our one predicting a large number; it was the surface of a penny after all. It could not possibly hold too much water before it all began to roll off. We added the water, drop by drop. The number of drops increasing far past our predictions. The penny, though not very large, was able to have more and more water added to it's surface without a drop being lost. Until, the limit was exceeded. It wasn't a large amount added that caused the penny to lose the water, it was ONE drop. ONE DROP~~~ the same size as all of the other drops that had been added. It was that ONE DROP that was the breaking point~~causing all of the other drops to lose their hold and roll away.

I feel like that water tonight.

The email we received stating that Steve would not be going any further with UPS was THE ONE DROP. The hold I have been trying to maintain for the last 5 1/2 years of uncertainty has broken.

And it only took one email...
one final drop.

When I should have been saying words of comfort to my husband who was obviously in turmoil, I was sinking. I had no words of comfort to give him.

When I should have been counting my blessings, I was asking 'Why do you keep allowing this to happen?'

When all around me is God's presence and love to behold, I allowed myself to be blinded by the waters flooding around my as I lost hold.

and... I am saddened that Satan won that battle.

As I was allowing my heart to be flooded by questioning and blaming, Satan was holding my penny and rejoicing in his success.

After searching through scriptures and lessons about prayer and suffering {posts about the lessons learned to come}, I have taken my penny back and I am ready to hold on again~~~knowing that God is here to help me hold on as the sufferings of life are added~~~drop by drop.

Romans 8:28 "... in all things God works for the good of those who love him."