Monday, August 10, 2009

my life is a clogged garbage disposal....

warning: the contents of this post tonight are not cheerful, uplifting, rational, or very positive...if you want warm and fuzzy you should probably move on.

Today has been one of those days, You know the ones~~~where you want to find a dark corner, curl up into the fetal position, and just rock back and forth.

Yep, it's been that good!

As I was beginning to wash the dishes from dinner, the garbage disposal began acting up~~because I truly need ONE MORE THING to add to the mound of crappy, no good, depressing things piling up in my life.

See I told you it wasn't going to be pretty.

Anyway, back to the disposal.

As I turned the disposal on to grind up the potato peels from dinner, the other sink filled up with dirty nasty water. I continued turning the disposal on and off for several minutes~~~because doing the same useless thing over and over always works~~~with the same outcome each time...left sink cleared of food scraps, right sink filled with sludge.

Okay, I finally called Steve in to deal with the situation because I had had my fill for the day. ~~~if only I had NOT gone to the mailbox as he was fixing the problem.

As Steve tore apart the pipes and I opened the mail~~~and received more for the mound I seem to be building~~~I realized that my life is like the broken plumbing. I have been trying so hard to put my fears and doubts down the disposal of faith; I have been turning on the faucet of belief that God will provide, attempting to grind up the uncertainties of our futures and yet dirty water and garbage seem to be keep backing up into my heart.

Steve fixed the problem~~~clogged pipes~~~and I went on to finish up the washing.

And I know that I could continue with my analogy and say that my heart seems to be clogged, just as the pipes were, with fear, bitterness, hurt, and anger. I could say that I need to clean out the pipes of my heart by adding scripture and faith; knowing that God is always with us and He knows the plan He has for us~~~and He will show it to us IN HIS TIME! I could say that the garbage that is clogging my heart is allowing Satan to pile on more garbage, making it harder to flush out the junk that is causing the back up.

I could say that, but I am not going to.

I am NOT ready to call the plumber in yet.